Moving On
by Tessa4
Summary: The time has come to move on and say goodbye - for now. A more detailed version of the final scene of the final episode Not to Be"


It had been one of those days.  
  
Duncan MacLeod had faced death many times before, but this time he could see no way to escape that final blow that would stop his heart forever. He had said his goodbyes, and stoically kneeled before the diminutive immortal, a man he once cautiously considered a friend. In spite of Joe Dawson's strong objections, he was resigned to trading his life for that of Amanda and Joe. But he hated having to submit to a coward the like of Liam O'Rourke without a fight. A fight that he knew he could easily win. Thanks to Metho's intervention he had been given that chance. Duncan had easily defeated O'Rourke in the final showdown, and now his words, spoken with deep conviction to Methos earlier that day, echoed in his ears.  
  
"Not anymore."  
  
None of his friends would die or be threatened because of old grudges if he could possibly help it! Not anymore.  
  
What a bizarre world he'd seen thanks to Hugh Fitzcairn! He still couldn't quite figure out what exactly had happened today and his head ached with the effort of trying to comprehend it. His thoughts turned to Tessa. It felt so good to hold her, talk to her and make love to her again after all the years that he longed to feel the way that he only ever felt when he was in Tessa's arms. Anything and anyone else paled in comparison. He knew it must have been a dream, but dammit, it seemed so real to him. He was so confused by it all, especially by Tessa's reaction to him, and by the empty, loveless life she was living. He would never have believed that Tessa would abandon her art. It was her passion and she had lived and breathed for it. He knew one thing for certain. The events of this day had changed everything for him. Nothing was going to be the same again. Duncan had made a decision today. One from which there would be no turning back. It was inevitable and it's time had definitely come.  
  
"More champagne for my knight in shining armour?"  
  
His thoughts were broken by Amanda, coming up behind him, draping a shapely arm around his broad shoulders, champagne bottle in the other hand.  
  
Before he could answer, she was filling his glass, the cold champagne foaming up and running over onto his hand. This strong hand that just hours ago, had fought for his survival.  
  
"Penny for them?" she quizzed as she planted a soft kiss on his cheek as she looked up at him with beautiful large brown eyes .  
  
Duncan looked into his glass, watching the bubbles break the surface, a gentle grin on his handsome face. "Oh, days like this one give a man pause for reflection, that's all."  
  
"Well, you were looking pretty damned serious to me MacLeod." Amanda replied, "and there's been far too much of that today. Enough to last a couple of lifetimes at the very least! I think we should be celebrating your victory, so drink up and fill up again!"  
  
" Are you trying to get me drunk and have your wicked way?" Duncan teased as he reached out one strong arm, taking her around the slender waist and pulling her up against the muscular length of his body.  
  
"You bet I am MacLeod!" she purred. "Watching you handle that sword always takes my breath away. And it always makes me want you." He could feel the warmth of her breath stirring gently against his ear. "The way you move your body, the way those muscles tense, your strength, it's an incredibly powerful aphrodisiac. I wish we were alone right now MacLeod because I want you so badly I can taste it." She ran her hands along the well-muscled arms that held her firmly.  
  
"MacLeod?" Amanda noticed that Duncan's eyes were misty, as though he was fighting back tears. "What is it?"  
  
"I couldn't have dealt with losing you today." He stated, the muscles in his jaw clenched the way they did when anger was rising in him. He pulled Amanda closer.  
  
"Easy, Duncan, you didn't lose me, you SAVED me today love. You saved me and you saved Joe. Damned near lost your own head in the process, and like I've said before, it's much too pretty to even think about losing it!" She flashed him that megawatt smile that always disarmed him, as she gently slid her fingers through the dark hair at his temples.  
  
This prompted an easy smile from Duncan. Amanda could always do that. No matter what kind of predicament she managed to drag him into, and there had been plenty of them, she could always make him laugh and smile. But today, this was all down to him. Amanda had been innocent. She was just the tool of another notorious immortal from his past, as was Joe Dawson.  
  
"Why don't you two get a room?" Methos called to them from across the barge, where he and Joe were toasting the outcome of what had looked like the end of the road for Duncan MacLeod.  
  
"We have one Methos." Amanda called back. "Only you happen to be in it.!"  
  
"Yes, and sorry, but I don't plan on beating a hasty retreat just yet Amanda. You two will have your privacy soon enough! We've got some celebrating to do." He replied.  
  
"Come on Joe, Methos, Get another bottle open!" Duncan demanded as he and Amanda joined them.  
  
"Dammit MacLeod. I was pissed at you today! Ready to give it all up to that sawed off Leprechaun!" said Joe. "Not for me anyway. For Amanda, I can understand that!"  
  
"Joe, I was prepared to do it but thanks to Methos, well my head is where it should be isn't it and all's well that end's well as they say." Duncan replied.  
  
"You did that yourself MacLeod. I just bought you a little time." Said Methos.  
  
Duncan sat down on the sofa beside Joe, leaving Amanda and Methos chatting and laughing together.  
  
What's it been Joe? Five years since we met in that bookstore?  
  
"Yeah, that's about right Mac." Joe replied. "Course, I feel I've known you much longer than that. About fifteen years longer to be exact."  
  
"There were times when I thought this was never going to work Joe. The Watchers tried to teach us that we aren't supposed to be friends." Duncan recalled the day he found Joe near death at the Watchers headquarters, shot by the immortal Jacob Gallati. The Watchers had been ready to extract a high price from Joe for his friendship with Duncan. "And, there was Horton. I know how tough that situation was for you, family loyalties and all."  
  
"Hmmm." Joe shook his head, and sipped his drink. "Horton was a sick bastard MacLeod. I can see that so clearly now but it was complicated. You know, I'm not sorry about the way it turned out. The world didn't need Horton and you did us all a favour, believe me."  
  
"I've never hated a man like I hated James Horton, Joe. This world needed Darius. Thanks to Horton, Darius is gone . Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. When I find myself making an important decision, I automatically wonder what Darius would have advised me to do."  
  
"I know, my friend." Said Joe. "But you have the satisfaction of knowing you made Horton pay."  
  
"Yeah, and it didn't bring Darius back, did it." "I don't like killing, Joe. I never have liked it. Not like some of us do."  
  
"I know." Said Joe quietly. "When you took that dark Q Mac, even as lost as you were, you talked about killing like it was something you hated. You talked about what it felt like to take someone's head. Even asked me if I had any idea what it felt like. I could tell you didn't exactly enjoy it, even under the influence as you were then. But you have to if you want to survive, and that's the way it is for you, for all immortals. Like I've said before, it's a miracle you aren't all wacko. "  
  
"I'm tired of it Joe" said Duncan. "I'm tired of the killing. I'm tired of the judging who's right and who's wrong." Duncan laughed. "We all think we're right, don't we? We judge the actions of others, and then we play the executioner. Then along comes a Stephen Keane and suddenly, we find ourselves in the unenviable position of being the evil, of being the one who has committed the crime. I didn't like the feeling Joe. I didn't like it at all."  
  
"MacLeod, you've never killed anyone who didn't deserve it. You can sleep at night knowing that." Joe reasoned.  
  
"I don't know Joe, I've made mistakes, I've misjudged people in my time. I've tried to be fair and just, but sometimes, you get so eaten up with anger and your own perspective that you don't see things as they really are. A very wise man once told me that things aren't black and white. There are really only shades of grey."  
  
"Mac, trust me, I know everyone you've killed, and the one's you've let walk away too. Let's not forget them." Joe reminded him. "And don't waste one second of remorse on that bastard O'Rourke Mac. He was scum, and he deserved what he got."  
  
"But he believed in his cause Joe and he truly believed that I was responsible for Tara spending her days in prison and dieing there. He was like Annie Devlin in a lot of ways. She's a good woman, but her hunger for revenge, her hatred for the English is what drives her, it's what she lives for. I understand where she's coming from. I've been there too. Maybe my convictions didn't run as deeply because I finally had to let them go. It was either that, or let them destroy me, make me as cold and murderous as those I was hunting down."  
  
"Well Mac, O'Rourke is history now buddy. He won't hurt anyone else again thanks to you." Joe raised his glass to Duncan, who returned the gesture.  
  
Duncan looked at Joe. This man had come to mean so much to him in the past five years. He had risked everything for their friendship. A friendship that should never have existed between them and yet, Joe had always been there to help when Duncan needed him, in spite of his Watcher oath. Duncan had tried to walk away from it a few times in the past five years, but in his soul, he knew that friends like Joe Dawson who could truly be trusted with his life, and in fact had been more than once, didn't come along very often.  
  
"The only good thing that came out of Darius's death was meeting you Joe, and becoming friends. I can't tell you what it means to me to have had your friendship and support these last five years." Duncan said.  
  
"MacLeod, you say that like you're planning to disappear or something!" said Joe, grinning broadly.  
  
Duncan just gave him a smile and took a deep drink of his champagne.  
  
"No, no Amanda, your memory is failing you! We met for the first time in 1638, in Florence. I remember it like it was yesterday!" Methos and Amanda were engaged in one of their famous arguments.  
  
"I don't know Methos, I'm certain it was early 1700's in Athens! Amanda argued, perched attractively on the arm of a chair. . "Oh hell, I don't remember what I had for breakfast this morning Methos! How am I supposed to remember our first meeting hundreds of years ago?"  
  
Duncan was laughing listening to these two. "Does it really matter at this point in time? You met. That much we know."  
  
"Well, I might be 5000 plus years old MacLeod, but my memory is every bit as good as it ever was." Methos said. "and I remember meeting her in Florence."  
  
"OK, fine, whatever you say!" Amanda replied. "Who am I to doubt the memory of the old, wise one anyway!"  
  
"Now that's better Amanda, and you'll do well to remember that in future." He winked at her as Amanda shook her head at him.  
  
Methos sat down in his characteristic sprawl, across from Duncan. "And you, I feel like I've known you forever, but it's only been, what, 3 years and some?"  
  
"Yes, that's about right. I went looking for Kallas and I found you! I don't know how we managed to miss each other up until then." Said Duncan.  
  
"Well, I was keeping a low profile of sorts for many centuries. Doing a damned fine job of it apparently, since I seem to have achieved legend status." Methos smirked.  
  
"I'll never forget the moment when I met you and realized that this mild-mannered, unassuming young man sprawled on the floor, tossing me a can of beer was THE Methos of legend!" Duncan teased.  
  
Methos grinned, his dimples playing havoc with his features. "Sorry to disappoint you MacLeod, you were expecting someone in a robe, maybe sporting a long white beard with an hour glass around his neck?"  
  
Joe was laughing "Methos as Father Time! Yeah, right, old, and full of words of wisdom! That's you to a tee isn't buddy!"  
  
"You wouldn't be mocking me would you Joe?" Methos feigned a shocked expression.  
  
"Oh, not a chance!" Joe replied through his laughter.  
  
"I hate to break this lighthearted mood, and god knows we could use it after today, but I have something I have to talk to you all about, and I'm afraid it just can't wait any longer." Duncan's tone was serious, and the look on his face brought Amanda to his side, a very concerned and worried expression marring her beautiful features.  
  
"What is it MacLeod? Oh come on now, it can't be THAT serious" Amanda said laughingly as she touched his cheek with the backs of her fingers, but in her heart, she felt that her life was about to change, and not for the better.  
  
"I've made a decision." Duncan stated, taking her hand in his large, strong one and holding it close to his heart. "It's one that's long past due and I'm afraid it has to be this way now."  
  
Joe took a long drink from his glass, and put his head back. He knew exactly what was coming. In fact, he had a feeling for some time now that this was coming. Thanks to the actions of Liam O'Rourke, this day had arrived a little sooner than he had anticipated, and Joe was dreading it.  
  
"It's really very simple." Duncan began, standing and walking to one of the barge's small windows where he looked out, as he had done so many times in the past when contemplating a difficult decision. "It's time for the Highlander to move on."  
  
There was a hollow silence in the barge. Amanda, Joe and Methos all sat staring into their drinks, none of them knowing quite how to respond to this revelation from Duncan.  
  
Amanda was suddenly on her feet and closing the space between them. "But Duncan, you can't.."  
  
"Let me finish Amanda!" Duncan cut her words off abruptly, and then just as abruptly put his arms around her and gently kissed her forehead, then lifting her chin with his forefinger and smiling as he looked into her eyes. "Let me finish." He stated so softly it was almost a whisper.  
  
He walked Amanda back to the sofa and sat down, gently pulling her down beside him.  
  
"You know how it is for us. We can't stay in one place for too long. People start to wonder, and then, they start to ask questions."  
  
"But MacLeod, you could still stay here years before anyone suspects anything!" It hasn't been that long." Amanda offered. "No, sorry but I just don't buy this!" She stood up, arms folded obstinately over her chest, and paced the barge. "What's this about MacLeod?"  
  
"The time will come Amanda, when I have to move on." Don't forget, I haven't lived like you have. I've pretty much stayed in one place for the last couple of decades while you've been moving around! I spent twelve years with Tessa, living as normal a life as it was possible to live given my unique set of circumstances. If she hadn't died, we'd have had to face starting over somewhere sooner or later. I'd already been here for years before I met her. That time has come now for me. It's time for me to move on and start again somewhere else where no one knows me. What happened today just brought it all into focus. It made it all crystal clear to me. I'm not going to risk the lives of my friends anymore. Not anymore."  
  
"You didn't risk our lives! That's just the way our lives are MacLeod and you know it! There are those of us who would sink to any depth to get what they want and that little twerp O'Rourke was one of them. You had absolutely no control over his actions. This could happen again, anytime and anywhere you go. You can't just run from it. It will find you Duncan! Those evil ones that you've crossed paths with will always find you again!" Amanda was desperately trying to convince Duncan he was wrong.  
  
"I know, Amanda, I do, but in this life, it's happened for the last time! " Duncan said with finality.  
  
Methos had been quietly digesting what Duncan was saying. He knew exactly what he was talking about. In his 5000 years, he couldn't begin to count the number of times he'd had to move on and start again. It was never easy. But he wasn't like Duncan MacLeod. He hadn't forged friendships like MacLeod did. He wasn't in the habit of cultivating loyalties in the same way, though meeting and getting to know "the boy scout" had brought about a bit of an attitude adjustment in the world's oldest immortal. How many times had he made that observation! He had often said that he spent 5000 years losing his conscience, only to have Duncan MacLeod help him find it!  
  
"I know what you're going through, MacLeod, I've seen this day come myself more than a few hundred times." Said Methos. "Amanda, it's not like we'll never be able to see him again. You can still be there, a part of his life as much as you are now. So can Joe. It's MacLeod who's going to have to make all the changes. We've all done it before, it's nothing new and it will happen again and again. The longer you live, the more change will become an integral part of your life."  
  
"But it's the end of all this." Amanda spread her arms and looked around, indicating the barge. "It's part of him, you know? In a way that nothing else has ever been. It just suits him. It's not going to be easy to say goodbye to it, especially not for you." She said, turning to Duncan and placing her hands on his strong chest. "Of all the years I've known you, you seem, oh, I don't know, at home, here, in this city, on this barge. Maybe it's because of Tessa, of what you shared. You feel anchored here, no pun intended!" She laughed. " It's just right, MacLeod, simple as that!"  
  
Duncan smiled at her and took a deep, steadying breath. "It's not going to be easy Amanda, you've got that right." He looked around the barge. A place that held so many memories for him. Wonderful warm memories of Tessa, and their brief time together here, a major portion of her short life, but like a teardrop in the ocean that was his life. So much happiness, joy and love were experienced here. He, Tessa and Richie had been a very happy little family here most of the time. It had also known it's share of pain and adversity as well. The barge was a part of him, the place where he felt at home, and definitely where he felt Tessa's spirit. He felt her there with him every moment. He even thought that sometimes, he could feel the warmth of her arms slipping around his waist the way she used to do, and hear the magic sound of her laughter. He knew that a love like the love he shared with Tessa could never be forgotten. It would always be safe and treasured in a special place in his heart. Time and distance could never erase it.  
  
Joe, who had been quiet up until now, spoke up. "MacLeod, I can't imagine my life without you in it my friend. But I understand you have to do what you have to do. You didn't get to be more than 400 years old without making some good decisions now did you?" He smiled broadly at Duncan. "Besides, we can still keep in touch, see each other from time to time." He winked at Duncan. "I'll find some way to keep track of you buddy!"  
  
Duncan laughed. "We certainly can Joe. I'll always want to keep my friends in my life as much as possible. I'll make new ones in the years ahead, but I plan to hang on to the old ones."  
  
"So, when is this exodus going to take place?" Methos inquired.  
  
"Do you have to put it that way Methos?" Amanda frowned at him, hands on hips.  
  
"Tonight" Duncan stated flatly. "I don't see any point in making it a long drawn out process. It's better this way.  
  
"Just like that." Said Amanda, obviously upset.  
  
"Yes, just like that." Duncan turned his back and walked to the window again. His voice breaking, unshed tears welling up in his soft brown eyes.  
  
"Well, I think this is a good time for us to be leaving." Joe rose and started to put his coat on, motioning to Methos to join him. "Let's see if we can get into some of that famous trouble you love so much. I have a feeling I'm going to get drunker than a hoot owl tonight."  
  
Duncan walked over to them. The three of them stood there awkwardly, not sure of what to say to each other.  
  
Duncan looked at Methos. "I learned something valuable from you Methos, though you might not want to hear this. You taught me that life's about change, about learning to accept who you are, good or bad. And I thank you for that."  
  
"And I couldn't begin to tell you what I've learned from you MacLeod, even if you were more often than not a pain in the ass in the process!" Methos replied with a grin. Suddenly serious, Methos grasped Duncan's hand firmly and continued. "Take care my friend, and keep that head on those shoulders. At the risk of sounding repetitive, you're too valuable to lose."  
  
Duncan embraced the oldest immortal. "I hope to cross paths with you again soon Methos." He said softly to him.  
  
"Likewise my friend, likewise." Said Methos.  
  
Duncan then turned to Joe, this mortal man with whom he had forged such a hard won friendship.  
  
"Joe. Thanks for being there for me. You've been the best kind of friend and I'll never forget you." Duncan was very close to tears now.  
  
"Like I said man, I can't imagine my life without you in it. Fact is, I don't want to." Joe was obviously struggling for control. This strong man was close to tears.  
  
"We will meet again Joe, I promise you that." Duncan embraced Joe. "You haven't seen the last of Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod!"  
  
"Come on, we're outta here now old guy!" said Joe. "Amanda, don't be a stranger!" he called to Amanda as he and Methos headed up the stairs to the door of the barge. Amanda waved, but was unable to say anything, as overcome by emotion as she was.  
  
He and Methos turned at the door and took a last look at Duncan, standing at the bottom of the stairs. They nodded to Duncan and were gone, the door closing softly behind them.  
  
Duncan stood there, hands on hips, looking down at the floor, then turned to face Amanda where she stood quietly behind him, crystal tears streaming down her pale cheeks.  
  
"Will you come here?" he asked, and she walked slowly into his outstretched arms, resting her head on his broad shoulder.  
  
"Dammit MacLeod. I don't want you to go. Not now. Not like this. Not because of that bloody Liam O'Rourke."  
  
"I know, Amanda, I know." He said in an effort to comfort her as he enveloped her in his embrace. "It's not really just because of O'Rourke. This day was coming. To be truthful, I've been preparing for it for a while now. He just escalated it a bit. It's time now, and I don't want to drag it out, like I said." Duncan took her face between his hands, his thumbs gently caressing her cheekbones. "I've arranged for the barge to be sold as it is. I've already moved out the few things that have any real sentimental value to me. It's not goodbye forever sweetheart. I'll get in touch in time, believe me. But I've got to start again somewhere and I'm going to need time to do it, without any reminders of this life I've known here."  
  
"Where MacLeod? Where are you going? " Amanda implored.  
  
"I don't know for sure. Most likely here in Europe somewhere. I'll let you know when I've decided, when I've settled."  
  
"I'll be waiting to hear from you MacLeod." Amanda said softly. She caressed his chiselled face, running her long fingers across his beard-shadowed cheeks, taking in every detail in an effort to commit this incredible face to memory. "My god MacLeod, have I ever told you you're the most handsome man I've ever known? Ever will know? I'm certain of that. I love you. I do, truly."  
  
"Amanda." Duncan said.  
  
"No." She turned away and out of his arms, hot tears now flowing freely down her pale cheeks.  
  
"I have to go now." Duncan stated quietly, coming up behind her to rest his hands on her shoulders. "Don't cry Amanda." He whispered against her ear. "Your nose is turning red and it's really unattractive."  
  
His attempt at levity brought a weak, reluctant smile to her lips as she brushed the tears away.  
  
"But it's so late and the weather looks bad out. Why not wait until the morning? We can spend the night in each other's arms. It may have to last a while MacLeod." She was back in his arms, pressing her lithe body against his in a way that was making it very difficult for him to concentrate on what he had to do.  
  
"Well the last time I tried to tempt you into staying with me, you said something about having a plane to catch and having to see a man about a camel!" Duncan teased.  
  
"Ancient history MacLeod. Right now, you're all that's important to me."  
  
Duncan laughed and pulled her closer to him, then looked lovingly into the deep brown eyes of this woman who had brought him so much joy when he sorely needed it, for so many centuries.  
  
He walked to the closet and took out his long coat, checking to see that the Katana was resting in it's inside pocket, where it belonged. He slipped it on, then took out Amanda's coat and wrapped it around her. Taking her hand in his, he headed up the stairs and took one last look back at this place he had called home for so long now. She followed him out of the barge and into the misty Paris night and they walked down the ramp and stood by the barge together.  
  
"Since I can't talk you out of this, will you just do one little thing for me MacLeod?" Amanda asked. "Just one teensy little thing?"  
  
Duncan rolled his eyes and grinned. "OK, but I'm almost afraid to ask what that teensy little thing might be. Some of your little requests have gotten me into some big trouble over the centuries, sweetheart! "  
  
""Well I swear, this one is completely harmless MacLeod. I can guarantee that you won't end up with an arrow in your ass! Will you please grow your hair long again? I want to see that sexy dark pony-tail hanging down your gorgeous neck next time I see you!"  
  
"That's it?" he laughed. "Grow back the hair? Oh, I don't know Amanda, that's a pretty tall order! I've traded that Highland Warrior look for this short low maintenance look and I have to admit that I prefer it."  
  
"Oh, but I have missed that Highland Warrior with the long dark curls soooo much!" she said "The way your hair curls wildly when it gets damp after a night of making love. She moved her body intimately against the hard length of his body. " Mmmmm, a girl can really get her fingers wound into those curls and...  
  
But her words were silenced as his lips claimed her's in a deep, passionate kiss. The kind of soul-stirring kiss that she had never experienced with any other man.  
  
"Amanda." he said, drawing back slightly from her lips and looking at her, his eyes bright with tears as he whispered, "I love you. I do. You make my heart glad. You always have."  
  
He started to back away from her, holding on to her hands, his eyes not leaving her's, and as their hands parted he turned and began to walk away from her and the life he had known, toward an unknown future.  
  
Amanda watched the tall, handsome Scot walk into the night and disappear into the swirling silver fog, and as she listened to the steady but fading sound of his boot heels hitting the pavement, she realized that she had never felt so alone. She pulled her coat tightly around her against the damp chill of the night air, which suddenly felt so much colder than it had moments ago.  
  
"I'll see you again, and soon." She whispered. "Goodbye my Highland Warrior. Take care."  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
THE END  
  
.  
  
. 


End file.
